Burning My Bacon

That's a saying my Grandmother and I made up while camping one summer. We were sitting around the morning campfire, and the fire was too hot. I said, "That really burns my bacon." She laughed. I then started swaggering around like John Wayne saying "Well pilgrim, that really burns my bacon."

Well, I was listening to the radio this morning. This morning talk show personality was explaining her trip to New York last week for a press junket. She said said the whole trip scared her, being alone and her first time in New York. Well, she gets in this cab and the driver starts telling her all these crazy stories. He says on 9/11, the two way radios were crackling with information of where not to be. They were warning eachother of what was about to happen and where.

OK, I don't know if this driver was going crazy or serious, but it really burns my bacon. I want this guy thrown in jail just for being an idiot. If he really herd cab drivers warning eachother, why didn't this driver turn them in afterwards? If this guy was doing the warning, as if he knew what was going to happen, he needs to be shot. The radio never mentioned his nationality.

I get so frustrated with our country sometimes. I'm hearing reports that the government is conceding there may already be nuclear weapons smuggled into our country. I'm hearing there has been documents exposing a longstanding plan to hit several large cities with these weapons. When are we going to crack down on this? When will the American people stand up and say enough! We need to quit our pansy attitude of border control. While we don't encourage immigrants to speak English, we try to force our hospitals to have interpreters. I don't get it. We need to start shutting down our borders in effort of controlling the trash that is getting in.

You know, when I use to dial information on the phone, it would simply say "What city and state please?" Then it started saying "For English, please stay on the line. Para Espanola, marke el numero dos." If you didn't press anything it would default to English. Now its says, "For English, please press one. Para Espanola, marke el numero dos." Is it going to someday default Spanish and make me choose English?

I don't want to go off on a tangent, though. I just feel, that if we wanted to, we could drastically reduce the threat by getting serious at our borders. You know, being a traitor is punishable by death in our country. Let's post these signs everywhere...only in English though.

I Bet That Puts a Kink in His Plow Line

That's just one of the great pearls given to me by my new dvd set...The Dukes of Hazzard Season 1. I didn't really set out to buy it. I went to rent it and they didn't have it to rent. So I shelled out the money and took my own copy home. I wonder how many others have been suckered into buying a movie because it was rented out? I get the last laugh here, because I love this show.

Let me explain why this is one of the best buys out there for rehashed tv shows.

1. The General Lee. Come on folks, this car was better than Samsonite luggage or a Timex watch. A gorilla could throw it down stairs after jumping up and down on it or it could fall into the lake, and you'd still hear the engine roaring. This car had the best sounding engine, hot hubs, a killer paint job, and could fly. Watch the show if you don't believe me. It beats the h e double hockey sticks out of Kit. If you don't know who Kit is, catch up and relive the 80's. This car was so dang sharp, it's tire squealed on dirt. The doors didn't even open...that would slow them down.
2. Daisy Duke. My first childhood crush. Her name inspired a style. Sheesh. She could drive, she could fight, and wasn't scared of the law enforcement.
3. It has nonstop car chases. Let's say the Duke boys are going to round up some posse to intercept a truck load of casino machines. First, there will be a scene with them ripping out of town towards the junkyard. They'll tear into the junkyard where a few guys and their hotrods will be waiting. Then, for good measure, they'll have some muscle car version of dogfights just to get out of the junkyard. That'll last for 10min. Then the cars hit the road running. Man, we haven't even gotten to the main plot and I'm already pumped full of adrenaline.
4. Uncle Jesse. Full of wisdom, integrity and sayings like, "Making moonshine ain't illegal for the Dukes because we were doing it before the government said it was illegal." He's got his head on straight. You gotta love them overalls, too.
5. That theme song. I can't get enough of it. I believe in heaven; and my heaven will have this song available for listening 24/7 at request. Besides, Waylon Jennings grew up in a little west Texas town called Littlefield. He's a local for me. They loved his voice so much, they let him commentate the whole show.
6. For allowing me to believe I could grow up driving my muscle car around town, dodging police, and squealing my tires on dirt.
7. Daisy Duke. In case you forgot I mentioned her. I don't want you calling me names. Besides, she needs mentioning twice.

And that's just a sample of why I love this show.

Stop Ye Faint of Heart

I have to get something off my chest. But first I want to warn anybody reading this.

NOTICE
If your faith is easily shaken, if questions or doubts about your faith tear you up, or if you hold the strong belief that we shouldn't say anything to discourage others from our faith, then consider yourself notified.

Now that that's taken care of....

I want you to admit something. This is something that has taken me many many years to admit. I want you to admit that Christianity really does seem like fantasy. I believe admitting these points may strengthen your faith. As I have found in my own life, if I can hold dear to that which sounds incredible, then I must truly believe. Stay with me here.

THE BIBLE

We believe in a book gathered from manuscripts thousands of years old. We believe it holds the key to all our understanding. We believe so blindly, we stake our eternal self on it. We rationalize every argument against believing in it. Nevermind the controversies of extra books in some versions: theories that the early Roman Catholic Church doctored the bible to fit their needs, burning down the biggest library (at the time) in Alexandria to protect their alleged doctored bible. We believe and hold on to it despite the clan who claim to have wrote it, the Jews, to be in total disagreement with us as to the outcome.

We can't even agree what's literal and what's symbolism. Does the bible show the 6000 yr timeline of our earth? Can it? Did the flood cover the entire earth? Or just a portion of it? Does not the book of Job blow your mind? What's going on there? How about Song of Psalms? Who put that in there? Where did those people come from that Cain hooked up with? Why are the prophecies so hard to understand? Why can't we decipher Revelations. Admit it, this book is controversial to say the least.

JESUS

Am I the only one that can admit the whole idea of Jesus seems strange? I've yet to get my fingers around "not worshipping other Gods before me" but yet trusting that Jesus is God incarnate on earth who now is our mediator to God. So God sent his son, or his self, to die for our sins, so that this son, or his self, would be the one to present us as righteous to God, or himself? It's confusing to say the least. I've used a lot of double talk and danced around this issue. But it remains that we definitely seem to pray to three separate entities, yet teach as they are the same. Does it not sound a little like we have a couple of gods and we really work hard to convince ourselves we don't.

SALVATION

Before Jesus, it was the slaughter of animals. Then Jesus was slaughtered for the final sacrifice or atonement. Does it not seem strange that God would set it up so that first: slaughter after slaughter was our way to set things right with God, and second: and now we picture a dead figure on a cross when we think of our own salvation. I tell you, the Catholic Church remains loyal not to let that image die. Basically death surrounds our salvation.

Here's a list of other things we could expand on:

• Creation (young earth) vs. evolution: does the young earth have time for the dinosaurs?
• Freewill vs. predestination: it seems these are at odds, then you have folks say it's both. hmm
• Does it not bother you that Godly men walking with God could be either side of an issue like above?
• How about the hundreds of denominations? Can't we all just get along?

Folks, I just simply want us to view this faith in what we have simply as what it is....faith. Hopefully, admitting some of the points above will only expose how solid your faith is. Hang on to that which is essential. Don't sweat the stuff we can't seem to agree on even after 2000 yrs.

Gen 15:6 And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.

MC Strikes Again

I have a neverending battle with forgetfulness. As a kid in college, I could be seen running in and out of my front door several times, any given morning, remembering things I needed to bring.

On business trips I have forgotten socks, combs, toothbrushes, you name it. I once forgot the power adapter for my laptop.

Well, this morning I blissfully sit down in my office and relax in the calmness. See, yesterday had me running around like a three legged cat covering poop on a marble floor. I hardly got a chance to even sit yesterday. But today....aaaahhhhhh.

Suddenly, a flash of electrical output somehow connects a couple of synapses in my brain and forms into a thought and the slightly audible, "oh no."

Yesterday, I was suppose to be at the courthouse for jury duty. Wow, I completely forgot. The city just had a huge press conference a few days back relating how they were going to start cracking down on these delinquents who weren't showing up for duty. I just knew I was going to be fined or worse, having a court summons in my honor. I even debated not calling in effort of not drawing any attention. Nevertheless, I hastily call the number on my summons and the lady on the other end calmly reschedules me for August 10th.

You folks better remind me this time.

Stop the Madness

Sheesh. Now my dvd player crapped out. What's going on here? It's not an expensive one, but it came with the surround sound system blah blah. Well, I go to Bestbuy to pick up a player. Guess what? You can't (according to these folks) just walk in and buy a player that is ready for the surround sound. You have to buy a new system. Son of a building block. (points for who can guess that movie quote). So I find another cheap system, pay $20 for 3yrs of warranty and hook it back up.

I can't win for losing.

Hey, I've been doing some interesting studies on a the largest organized social club in the world. It spans several continents, several hundred years, and recently gained some interest due to a movie released last year. I relate some of this here.

And May God Smote Thee

Do you ever have one of those moments where you just want to let out a string a verbiage vomit? I'm talking the kind of verbiage filled like a twinkie with colorful adjectives and adverbs and four letter monstrosities. Picture Clark Griswald in Christmas Vacation after he gets the "Jelly of the Month Club" gift. Let's review his thoughts..

I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d****less, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey sh** he is! Hallelujah! Holly Sh**! Where's the Tylenol?

I felt like repeating this after getting the shaft from Gateway computers. I bought a laptop in March '02. It came with a three year warranty. In the spring of '04 the screen goes out so I get it replaced for free. The screen just went out again.

I call gateway, wading through the annoying neverending menu choices. After reach a suitable destination, I'm automated to enter in my serial number. I then go on hold for eternity. After my clothes come back from being out of style, a man comes on and asks me what he can do. I explain my situation. He then asks me for my serial number. Dangit, didn't I just callous my fingers punching that number in? Nevertheless, to keep things moving, I give it to him. He then tells me, after a few more questions about what exactly is wrong, that the warranty is expired and that it's gonna cost me over $500 to get this fixed.

Here's how the conversation went:

Gateway Useless Employee #432: (in some accent I can't pin down) We can start a workorder and replace your screen for $568.

Shocked Me: Is this not covered under warranty?

Might as Well be Automated Gateway Guy: As I said, you bought the computer in March '02, the three year warranty expired March of this year.

Frustrated Me: But the screen is less than a year old. You replaced it just recently. Does it not have a warranty?

Hearing Impaired Guy: All repair work is guaranteed for 30 days. Any work performed during warranty falls under that warranty or is guaranteed for 30 days, whichever is longer.

Hot Under the Collar Me: A lot of good that does me. I sent my computer to be fixed during the warranty period. You guys supposedly fixed it. It limped along for a few months, and then breaks again. It doesn't sound like you guys fixed it at all. You should be required to do it right.

Gateway to Hell Employee: I'm sorry sir, the warranty expi...

Face Twitching and Starting to Shake Me: I know: I'll just trash this computer you won't fix and get another brand at Best Buy.

Acts Like He Cares Guy: Hold for just a minute sir.

I go on hold just to have him come back and repeat the same garbage. Perhaps I'll call back and ask for a supervisor or something. I just feel like I'm getting the shaft here. Actually, I feel a little better after venting here.

One Small Step for the Toddler...

...And one giant leap for resting my eyeballs.

Kim and I have always struggled getting Audrey to sleep at night. She always been in our bed which usually means I wind up in another bed. She gets up several times a night and basically drains us (more so my wife.)

We recently tried something we had abandoned a few months ago. A routine. Showing my inept ability as a dad, I would let Audrey run hog wild around the house until I was tired, and then we would go lay down.

For a couple of days now, we have changed the routine, or perhaps created one. Now Audrey gets a bath about 8:30 and then I lay her down in her bed, read a book or two, and get her to fall asleep. Guess what? She has basically slept through the night in her own bed two nights in a row.

(Chorus of angels singing praise)